He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
