Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
