he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races