hotel room ftw
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.