we have pet lesbian snakes
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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