Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.