$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So squirting runs in the family.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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