Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
