omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
