I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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