8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
