Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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