My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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