I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
