Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
