did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Randomize
