like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
