Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
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I won't apologize to a one balled man
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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