it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
