Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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