Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
