What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
