Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
