he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
