you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
