make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
