A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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