Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
it's great music for shaving your balls
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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