She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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