Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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