So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
