In America we eat man semen.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
