you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
