I could make wine with my vomit
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize