So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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