I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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