my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just had sex on a roof
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
