I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
