she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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