I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
