i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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