let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
