That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize