I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We're too hungover to prance.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
