Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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