I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
