Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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