Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
