So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
