I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
