I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
