We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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