I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
