They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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