Sry I called you an 8
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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