I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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