He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
