While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
