things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just high enough for therapy.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
