threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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