The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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