nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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