I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
