Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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