...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize